Finding the right words, fear of saying the wrong ones, and perhaps a lack of direct understanding leave many people uncomfortable reaching out to a grieving friend.

Often, we feel responsible for alleviating or creating additional pain for our friends in mourning. In doing so, we fail to realize the loss of a loved one cannot be enhanced or relieved by words. Bereavement is a process and friends can offer support and a listening ear, but there is no way to take away the pain from the person who has experienced the death of someone they love. Rather than worry about what to say to a grieving friend, friends should be receptive to the needs of the bereaved and offer assistance whenever possible.

How to Help During the Early Stages

Listen. Take time to sit down with a grieving friend and ask about their deceased loved one. They will be more than willing to share their favorite memories. You should also be content with silence. Sometimes the grieving find it too difficult to talk but find comfort in having a friend close by.

Ask How You Can Help

Take over as many simple tasks as possible. Even small jobs can add to the stress of a grieving person. Offer to pick up family members from the airport for the funeral. Bring over a warm meal. Take the dog for a walk.

Mention the Deceased's Name

Mentioning the deceaseds name in conversation makes it easier for everyone to talk about the death. Grieving people need to feel like their loved one has not been forgotten.

Call

Pick up the phone regularly and call your grieving friend to see how he is doing. Place a call within a couple days of the funeral to let your friend know you are always free to talk. Follow-up with your friend every few days to see if they need help with anything.

How to Help During the Late Stages

Involve A Grieving Person

Invite your friend to social occasions so they have the opportunity to meet new friends and get their mind off their loss. Plan new activities together so both of you have something to look forward to.

Remember Holidays and Anniversaries

Holidays and anniversaries are the hardest times for people suffering from grief. Plan ahead and invite them to your home or make a visit to their home to wish them a happy holiday. Let them know that they have many friends and family members ready to help them through these difficult days.

Danger Signs

While grieving is a necessary and healthy process, individuals can go to extremes. If a grieving person demonstrates any of these signs, they may need professional help. Communities, religious centers, funeral homes and healthcare organizations have grief counseling programs or support groups.

• Weight loss
• Substance abuse
• Depression
• Prolonged sleep disorders
• Talk about suicide
• Lack of personal hygiene

(Source: Hospice Net - http://www.hospicenet.org/html/help_a_friend.html)

The best gift a friend can give to a friend who just lost someone they love is the permission to grieve. Do not force a grieving person to return to a normal life before she is ready. Allow her to go at her own pace, but provide encouragement and emotional support to enhance her healing process.